"In our first few years of marriage, we didn’t quite grasp the 'learn to fight well' concept. We had some doozies. I came into our marriage with many deep wounds & I am not proud of how I handled conflict. (Let me just say that Jason is such an incredibly patient man.) You see, I HATE conflict. The second conflict arises, my hands start to shake & I feel like I’m going to throw up. My mind starts telling me to “RUN AWAY! AVOID! This is too scary to deal with.”

This past July, we went on a Showit cruise & met 2 of the most amazing people on this planet, Life Together with Don & Renee. We had a chance to chat about our messiness & Don gave such an amazing illustration that forever changed us; sometimes in our marriage, a breaker is tripped, & we’ll be sitting in the dark for a while. Depending on the situation, one of us may know how to navigate through the darkness to find the circuit panel & fix the lights (most of the time that is Jason). But he’d have to leave me sitting in the dark alone & that’s not what marriage is all about.

It’s not easy - tending to our still young marriage while raising 4 young kiddos but we’re choosing it & learning along the way.

So while we were in Iceland, we wrote new vows to each other because we are no longer newlyweds but now we’re like a couple of wise AF thirty-somethings that have survived 4 newborn stages & so many dark, shaky, uncomfortable, I’m-about-to-throw-up fights.

As we close the 'baby years' chapter of our marriage, we want the next 10 years to be about how we will better handle the dark rather than trying to quickly get the lights turned back on because I can’t deal with the pain & discomfort. I am learning to brave my deepest & darkest struggles & I’m so thankful to have a husband who will sit with me in the dark, in the silence, holding my hand, not knowing what to say or do, but just waiting with me. I am so grateful for the deeper sense of oneness that we share today which far outweighs what we shared on our wedding day."

-Kara Lackey